September 05, 2007

evite etiquette: reply now

Reply Now

People sometimes ask me if they have to reply to their Evite invitations. Well, yeah.

Look at it from the host's perspective. They want an accurate headcount so they can get enough food, drink and space for everybody. And nobody likes to open their Evite invitations and see names in the "not yet replied" section. It's depressing, and it's a good way to get yourself disinvited from future parties.

And speaking of the host's perspective...they can totally see the date you last viewed the invitation, so don't make them bust you on it. Just take the 2 seconds to go to the invitation and reply. And no, you don't have to include a clever comment, but it would be nice if you did.

Posted by Eva on September 5, 2007 in Etiquette , Parties , Shameless Plugs

Permalink | Comments (28)

28 responses to "evite etiquette: reply now"

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If you've ever been a host on Evite, you know who looked at your invitation and who hasn't (and when) So remember that the next time you view an invitation, but choose not to reply..

You might as well say "thanks for the invite, before I decide, let me see if there is something better to do"

I can totally see both sides of this. As an invitee, sometimes I look at the invite but either can't (or, more likely, am too lazy to) get to my calendar to see if I'm free that day. So I will wait to reply. But I always *reply.* And, as a host, I know it's super frustrating when you have a whole list of people who've viewed but not replied. Especially when some of these dorks show up!! :-)

To be honest, I usually don't RSVP until 1 or 2 days before the shindig. It's because I don't know what I am going to be doing and honestly, things come up at the last minute.

I don't want to RSVP and then have to either change my response or worst, not change it and look like a total flake.

I have a whole family of flakes and I TOTALLY agree with the flaky thing. I know what it is like (even with my wedding 2 years ago), where I had people flake on me and they didn't even bother to send me an RSVP saying that they'd come, but they did any way. I realize that sometimes that the invitees are busy when I send them an evite, but I typically get the cattle prod out and send them a friendly reminder a few days in advance saying "Hey, I was wondering if you remembered about this evite and if you're still interested in coming." I know that typically, they might respond (in at least an e-mail to my personal account), saying if they'll come or not, which usually helps out the situation a whole lot. Of course, I also remember that the NEXT time that I consider sending them an evite (or a regular invitaiton at all), that I just don't bother, because they won't respond.

It is beyond rude to make the host sweat out whether you'll be there or not. Items need to be bought, headcounts given to caterers, etc. I've thrown three parties in the past few months and ended up spending a lot of money that I didn't need to because people didn't bother to reply, or reply by the deadline(and one person had the you-know-whats to ignore ALL THREE invites). Also, I don't need to be using my valuable party-planning time to track you down and get your answer, either.

I can so totally relate. As a host poker parties I find the following frustrating:

1. They veiw it but don't reply. That tells me they are waiting on something better to do. The least they can do is put my party on maybe.
2. I have limited seating but some have come without RSVPing and it hasn't been a huge problem, but one of these tournaments it will be.
3. RSVP they will come and then flake out.

Just want to point out that "maybe" or "I'll try" is a totally worthless reply. Don't people know that a simple "yes" or "no" is what the host really needs--although a cheeky response is always welcome. The tentative response is no help in planning a party. Better and more considerate to decline than to leave the host hanging.

I've been dealing with this issue...
Recently I laid out replying being a courtesy...
I have an event planned for the 29th and I've given others the ultimatum to reply by the 21st and if they don't reply by then I've mention I will assume they are not coming and to please not reply after because I can't accommodate them...
I've also removed individuals who have been in the habit of viewing and not replying and sent them a final "message from" email from the window that comes up when you make evite changes so they know they've been removed...
Plan to do the same on the 21st...
People need to be considerate...

I would love to come up with a way to let people know it is NOT OK to not RSVP. It IS ridiculous! I also sell PartyLite candles and use evite as well as snail mail invites for my hostesses. When people don't RSVP I know they have seen the invites and know the specific day they viewed the evite. How completely rude to my hostesses to not RSVP. How is the Hostess supposed to know how much food to fix and how am I supposed to know how many free gifts to bring?!?! It is by far the THE most frustrating part of my job.
Thanks for reading, everyone!

When I saw this topic I just HAD to give my input. I have parties and get togethers with friends and family many times of year. With the family it seems to work pretty well. But when it comes to the's as if they don't realize I know that they have viewed the evite and when. I'll mention something and they'll act like they never got it, when clearly it was viewed. Are you kidding me? Or the ones that view it, don't rsvp, and just show up! I have recieved evites before and have ALWAYS rsvp'ed! I would never think not to. I just wonder..what is wrong with people? Are they waiting for something better to come along or are they just rude?

I am so in this boat right now. I went ahead and sent NYE e-vites out, knowing from past experience that people book this night up pretty quickly. However, 80% of my invite list has viewed the e-vite, but not yet replied. It appears to the host they are holding out for something better...and it sucks. Makes me wonder if I should even go to the trouble of planning the party at all? Oh well, those few who have replied Yes will be there...and we will have a rocking NYE with them!

Oh my goodness. I thought about doing the evite thing for my holiday party, but didn't. I sent invites in my Christmas Cards along with an RSVP date. No RSVP's, so I planned that people only RSVP for regrets only. Well, of the 40+ people that were invited, only 12 of them showed up. I threw more food away than was eaten. So for my New Year's Eve small gathering, I did the evite thing, and I am addicted to see who has read it. Now, it is interesting to see that I am not the only one that is watching to see when they are viewed, because I have one now that has read it but not responded to it. As if they are waiting for something better. Yep, and it's my own brother! Ha!! I am glad that I am not the only one it "Party Turmoil" when it comes to this. I also wonder if I should be planning anything at all!!

1. Bookmark and put it on your toolbar.

2. Check the bookmark daily; it's a free social calendar, and Evites are often the easiest way to organize big and small events.

3. As you would to invitations received in the mail:
b. Mark your calendar (or viewing Evite daily is like marking your calendar)
c. If your RSVP changes notify the host (or simply change your Evite RSVP)

It doesn't get ANY easier than this folks.

-The Evite Control Queen

I have a question. I received an evite from a friend. I RSVP'ed right away, but I've seen (opened) the evite in several ocassions and several days to see what other guests have replied (I know, I'm a bit nosy)... Can the host see that I've opened the evite several times, or can she only see the time I opened it first and RSVP'd??

Too answer you question Ariadna the latest date you opened the evite will show on it as the view date...
Now if most hosts are like me...I will check my evite every day or every other date. And although the current date will show if the host has checked the same days you have looked at the evite...she will pick up on the fact that you have looked at the evite several times and may wonder What's Up with this guest?
and if you've read this blog...we'll might fall into one of those not replying categories..
I've notice that with some and have wondered what the person is waiting for...
And to be one case b/c it seemed like the guest couldn't make up there mind I did it for them and took them off the list.
Consider this...why are you holding out on replying...
Is it? for something better...if so is that really considerate of the host and the time they are taking to organize..
And if you keep doing it to see who is coming...isn't that still being inconsiderate of the host...who took the time to think of you invite you.

I get several e-vites a month in my work account for openings and parties organized by PR firms, most of which I am unable to attend. What is the etiquette for responding to e-vites from strangers?

I had an invitee call me and say she is coming but does not know how to RSVP. Is there some way I can move her from the viewed list to the Yes list? Thanks!

Hi Renee,

Just open your invitation and click the "Edit Guest(s) Replies" link (you'll find it in the Host Tool Box section).

Changing guest replies is a little bit different now; go to your invitation, and click on the big green EDIT button at the top. Go to your guest list, and you will see the names, with "edit" and "delete" next to them. Click on "edit" and you can change their reply. This is also good if they said something in their reply that you need to edit.

I am hosting monthly events that require guests to RSVP the week prior to the event. I was wondering if there is a way to freeze or lock the evite so that people can't RSVP after the deadline or go in and change their RSVP after the deadline.

Evite needs to come up with something to make it so that there is a clearly designated RSVP deadline (part of the invite template), have a reminder go out the day before the RSVP deadline and in a nice way, tell people they're going to be removed from the list if they don't respond. :)

I'm happy to RSVP to the host and would never fail to do so, but for the rest of the attendees...none of their beeswax. Mass mailers for personal function: the whole premise seems ignorant. And lazy.

Susanah said: "Changing guest replies is a little bit different now; go to your invitation, and click on the big green EDIT button at the top. Go to your guest list, and you will see the names, with "edit" and "delete" next to them. Click on "edit" and you can change their reply. This is also good if they said something in their reply that you need to edit."
What does she mean "go to your guest list?" My guest list does not appear when I am in edit. Has this function changed? I have tried everything nto edit replies. Thanks!

Hi M,

To change your guest replies, just open your invitation (no need to go into EDIT), click the Options dropdown menu at the top of your guest list, then click "Edit Replies."

From there you can choose whose reply to edit. Hope that helps!

How do you tell who viewed your invite? I just sent one out, but I can't see where it tells me who viewed the invite and when?

What really annoys me is my husband's family when it comes to parties. I can mail an invitation and ask for an RSVP, and no one responds. I can e-vite no one responds. I can call and they say 'sure, we'll be there', then they don't show up. Even though it is immediate family ~ a total of 20 people ~ no one let's me know if they are attending the party. So, I don't know if I should prepare for 10, 12, or more people. My husband insists every year on having 'the family gathering', and frankly, I get so stressed because 'the family' never tells us if they are coming or not! Frankly, I have never seen such illiterate people in my life. Good thing I realize my husband is nothing like his family and I love him dearly. His family - well, I won't even go there.

When you are invited to something whether by email, paper, or phone call the proper thing to do is respond yes or no. Any other attempt to make it seem right to not provide an answer is rude. I do not care if people say that society has changed. Good behavior and proper etiquette are timeless. You wouldn't go jump off a bridge just because society said it was ok?

For those that say you cannot answer because you never know what comes up that's just plain hogwash. What you are really saying is that you are waiting to see if anything "better" comes along. When people do this to me I simply do not invite them again because I do not need pseudofriends in my life. I also do not invite people that chose not to respond yes or no to an event. As a result my circle of friends responds to any invitation I give.

Has the world become so impersonal that you cant call me to invite me to a party? Additionally, do I need an email for your cat's 3rd birthday (and do I care)? I hate evites, if you like them great, just keep me off your mailing list. That's why mine go straight to the SPAM folder.

I have a wife, kids, my own stuff going on. So yes, Rini, things do come up.